Shifting from blame to connection

“I”-statements

An “I” statement is a way to speak that focuses on your own experience rather than pointing out what someone else did “wrong.” By removing blame, judgment and assumptions, you make it easier for others to hear you without getting defensive.

The 3-part formula

To build a genuine “I” statement, try this simple structure:

• “I feel [emotion] … when [action/situation] …
  because [impact on you].”
• Other helpful starters:
• “I prefer…”
• “I believe…”

Flip the script

See how a small shift in words changes the energy of a conversation:

Watch out for fake “I”-statements

Simply starting a sentence with the word “I” does not make it a supportive statement.

• The trap: “I feel that you are being selfish.”
• The problem: This is still a judgment; it is just disguised.
• The fix: A genuine “I” statement focuses only on your own feelings and experience, not a verdict on the other person.

Take it home

The habits we use at work are often the same ones we use at home. Practicing “I” statements can improve your relationships with your partner, children, and friends. It helps reduce the “low-grade tension” that comes from constant conflict.