“I” statements are a simple yet powerful tool for clear and respectful communication. They allow you to take ownership of your feelings and focus on your perspective of an experience. By framing your concerns around your feelings and needs, you avoid language that sounds like criticism, judgment, or accusations directed at others.
Crucially, "I" statements help regulate your body's nervous system, as they avoid activating your stress response. This helps reduce your internal conflict and encourages healthier and more positive interactions.
"I" statements generally follow a simple structure. They are focused on stating how a specific event or situation made you feel, and the request you would like to make. The key is to be specific. Examples of this formula include:
“I feel…”
“I notice…”
“I prefer…”
“I believe…”
“I would like…”
Simply starting with “I” and following it with a judgment or criticism is not effective. Be sure to focus on your emotions while avoiding hostility.
Ineffective: “I feel you are disrespectful.”
Effective: “I feel disrespected when my emails aren’t answered.”
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