Do you talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend?

We spend a lot of time thinking about how we talk to others. But how often do we notice how we talk to ourselves?

Self-talk is the inner dialogue we have with ourselves. Sometimes it’s kind, supportive, and encouraging. Other times, it can be critical, harsh, and downright mean.

Imagine this: You make a mistake at work. One voice in your head says, “I’m such an idiot—I always mess things up.”
But another voice could say, “That was a tough moment, but I handled it the best I could. I’ll learn from this.”

Which voice are you listening to? That inner voice shapes how you see yourself, especially in difficult moments.

Why does self-talk matter?

The way we speak to ourselves impacts our mood, confidence, and resilience.

Negative self-talk can slowly chip away at our self-worth. It increases stress, fuels shame, and makes it harder to bounce back from challenges.

When we’re kind to ourselves, we lower stress and activate calming responses in the body.

You don’t need to wait for someone else to encourage you. You can be your own best cheerleader.

How can I practice better self-talk?

• Strengthen your compassionate voice: Cultivate a kinder, more patient internal tone, one that supports you rather than tears you down.
• Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend: Offer yourself the same compassion you would give to others. Would you call a friend “lazy” or “a failure”? Probably not. So why say it to yourself?
• Be mindful of your inner dialogue: Notice when you shame yourself, downplay your wins, or use harsh labels.
• Reframe with strength-based language: Talk to yourself in the same strength-based way you talk to others, highlighting your efforts, courage, growth, or values even when outcomes fall short.
• Challenge the harsh voice: When harsh self-talk arises, ask: is that true? Is it helpful? Would I say this to someone I care about?

What are some ways I can put this into practice?

• Journal with intention: Spend a few minutes each day writing about your strengths, efforts, or what you like about yourself. Pair it with a gratitude practice to shift your mindset.
• Write and rebut exercise: Write down a negative thought (e.g., “I always screw up.”). Then write two to three true rebuttals (e.g., “I handled the situation well yesterday.”)
• Keep affirmations visible: Sticky notes, phone screens, mirror reminders—anywhere you’ll see them.
• Do mindful check-ins: Pick a time in your day (after lunch, before bed, during breaks) to ask: “How am I speaking to myself right now?”
• Reframe one thought a day: Catch one critical thought and turn it around. From: “I’m not cut out for this.” To: “This is hard, but I’ve done hard things before.”