The self-care blind spot
Have you ever heard the expression, “The shoemaker’s children have no shoes”?
The same irony can show up in caregiving. Caregivers spend their days supporting the comfort, wellness, and care of others. Yet many struggle to offer that same care to themselves.
Does any of this sound familiar?
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “I just need to push through.”
- “If I say no, I’m letting people down.”
- “Self-care won’t fix systemic problems anyway.”
For many caregivers, resistance to self-care happens so automatically that we may not even recognize it.
Our identity can become tied to being “the helper.” Caring for ourselves may feel selfish, unrealistic, weak, or undeserved. We may believe we always need to be the strong one. Emotional numbness, compassion fatigue, or burnout can also become so normalized that they are mistaken for simply “being fine.”
Many caregivers are deeply compassionate toward others while being incredibly hard on themselves.
Why this matters
Caregiving work is relational. Providing comfort, going the extra step, and showing compassion are often some of the most meaningful parts of the job.
But when we continually ignore our own needs, it affects us.
Over time, this can contribute to compassion fatigue, burnout, emotional exhaustion, irritability, reduced empathy, difficulty coping, absenteeism, and less satisfaction or enjoyment in our work.
It can also affect the psychological health and safety of the workplace. When people are depleted or overwhelmed, stress can increase, relationships can become strained, and teams may have less capacity to support one another.
And perhaps one of the hardest truths is this: when we do not care for ourselves, it becomes harder to show up as the kind of caregiver we want to be.
The work we value becomes harder to sustain.
Self-care is not indulgence
Self-care is often misunderstood as something extra, luxurious, or only possible when we have spare time or energy.
Self-care means noticing and responding to our own physical and emotional needs.
It is both action and attitude. It includes the choices we make to protect, maintain, or improve our wellbeing, including how we speak to ourselves.
Self-care does not replace the need for safer, healthier systems of work. It does not remove an employer’s responsibility to support psychological health and safety. It does not solve every workplace stressor.
But it still matters.
Caring for ourselves is not separate from caring for others. It is part of sustaining our ability to keep doing this work well.
What practical self-care can look like
Self-care does not have to mean bubble baths or spa days.
It can be practical. It can be part of how we move through the day.
Self-care can look like:
- Saying no without overexplaining
- Taking your entitled breaks without guilt
- Admitting that you are tired
- Resting before you reach burnout
- Booking the doctor’s or dentist's appointment you have been putting off
- Talking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend, coworker, or family member
These actions may sound simple, but they can be difficult when you are used to putting everyone else first.
You deserve the same compassion and care that you so freely give to others.
Take a few minutes today to ask yourself: “What is one need I have been ignoring, and what is one small step I can take to care for myself?”
