We all have an inner voice. It’s the constant mental chatter that helps us process the world, make decisions, and reflect on our experiences. Sometimes, it encourages us. It reminds us that we’re capable, resilient, and worthy. Other times, it holds us back. It can sound harsh, critical or doubtful, questioning our every move and magnifying our mistakes.

Whether we realize it or not, this internal dialogue shapes our perception of ourselves and the reality around us. Self-talk plays a much larger role in our lives than many of us think. It influences how we respond to stress, how we approach challenges, and how we recover from setbacks.

Negative self-talk often increases anxiety, lowers confidence, and creates feelings of inadequacy. When we constantly tell ourselves we’re not good enough or that we’ll fail before we even try, it becomes much harder to grow. But shifting that voice into something more compassionate and constructive can have a real impact. Speaking to ourselves with patience and encouragement doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard. It means creating space to handle it with more self-trust and less self-blame.

A study from the University of Regina explored this idea by looking at how people respond to stress when guided to use compassionate self-talk. Participants who were encouraged to be kinder to themselves during a challenging task experienced lower levels of anxiety and self-criticism. They also felt more confident and capable, even when under pressure.

The researchers found that self-compassion didn’t make people avoid responsibility or sugar-coat their mistakes. Instead, it helped them see things more clearly and respond with care.

This matters because, unlike self-esteem, which often depends on success or external validation, self-compassion doesn’t require perfection. It’s about being honest with ourselves while also being gentle. When we treat our inner voice like a supportive friend instead of a critic, we can start to build a more balanced and grounded sense of self.

Of course, changing the way we talk to ourselves takes time. Many of our thought patterns are deeply ingrained, shaped by past experiences, criticism, or expectations we’ve carried for years. It’s not about flipping a switch. It starts with awareness. Paying attention to our internal dialogue gives us the chance to pause, notice when it turns negative, and choose a different tone. That might look like replacing:

• “I always mess this up” with “This is tough, but I’m figuring it out”
• “I’m so behind” with “I’m doing the best I can today.”

Over time, a more compassionate inner voice can build emotional strength and reduce the grip of fear and self-doubt. It can help us take risks, learn from failure, and keep moving forward without getting stuck in shame.

Looking for more support? Check out our self-talk safety topic, browse our self-settling safety huddle, or watch our latest webinar, Tending the heart: Tools for emotional healing.